Big fish ..

My mind is numb, i have no feelings whatsoever in my head. i can't allow myself to feel....you see, there is an order of things, a routine normally followed for training personnel. Three months ago i went to an institution for a what seemed to be a straight forward procedure. The MD took the training request letter and said there should be no  problem, check with us next week. Which i did, and the week after that and the ones after that. Now three months later they tell me "oh sorry but we can't allow you to do your training here..." sorry?! Sorry!?! are you mad! this shit takes place 3 times a year. you've just cost me 4 months of training worth six credits and you tell me sorry! are you high?    But of course this is not what you tell Big Fish when you are not even a Marine animal...! So i looked at him, counted backwards from 5 to 1 then said 'i understand, thanku. i guess i'l seek grounds elsewhere. Gd day sir'.   Now do you see why i can't allow any thinking, aaaargh!